


Soap and Gammon

by Atropos_lee



Category: Hornblower (TV)
Genre: Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-11
Updated: 2013-03-11
Packaged: 2017-12-04 23:46:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/716445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Atropos_lee/pseuds/Atropos_lee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>It should be noted that membership of the Backgammon Society is strictly voluntary, and reserved for the most enthusiastic and senior members of the midshipsmen's berth.</p></blockquote>





	Soap and Gammon

"Ah, gentlemen, come in, come in - just, opps - mind the rug, Mr Bowles. I say, Bracey - is that a new jacket? Very fine, lovely cut. I think Tregorran can rustle us up some Coffee and a some of those lovely Bath Buns, when he has finished polishing my thimble collection"

The 14 members of the Indefatigable's Wardroom Catering Committee and Backgammon Society shuffled their feet uncomfortably on Captain Pellew's Almost Certain Authentic Turkey Rug. By dint of coughing and elbowing amongst their number they pushed their spokesperson, Major Price of the Marines, to the front. 

"This ain't by way of the social call, sir, begging your pardon - although a wet of of something stronger wouldn't go amiss - ouphhh! - no need to be vicious, Mr Chadd, I'm coming to the point... You see, sir, It's the showering."

"Yes! Isn't it splendid! The little dears are throwing themselves into the exercise with such enthusiasm. Well, at least Hornblower is. You know, the scrubbing brushes were his idea, quite unprompted. Such initiative!"

"Well, sir...."

"And don't they scrub up well! Pink as prawns, every one of them. Well, except for De Souza off course. Came up such a lovely shade. Amazing what you find when you finally get the dust off the squeakers - you know, he was telling me just this morning his Mama is from Brazil. Now I can finally tell each of the little dears one from another."

"That's what we wanted to discuss...."

"Now they can all come to tea without Tregorran having to put newspaper on the chairs first. Splendid little chaps."

"Yes, sir, but ..."

"Oh can it, Price..", interrupted Lt. Eccleston, irritably - "The point is, all this _washing_ is causing havoc in the cable tier."

Pellew glanced up from a particularly tricky daisy whip on the bell pull he was embroidering. 

"The cable tier? That's the sub-basement level, isn't it?"

Eccleston closed his eyes and took a deep breath before replying. "Yes, sir. It's very dark in the cable tier..."

"Oh, yes, I know! Dark and damp. Quite horrid. I was thinking - we could limewash all that lovely oak, install uplighters, and perhaps - yes, I think we should be thinking checks, or gingham...."

Eccleston gritted his teeth, and continued. "It's _very_ dark in the cable tier. It's not been a problem before..."

"... I don't know about that, Eccles, old bean. I haven't been near the place since I barked my shins down there on Games night. I told you at the time I thought it was an odd place for a Backgammon tournament. How are you supposed to tell black from white, or how the pieces lie on the boards.... Laddered my third best pair of stockings, you know, the ones with the rose bud cluster on the ankle. " 

"... but now that all the boys smell of - Soap - "

"Mrs Pear's Finest Amber Complexion Tablet. I have another 10 cases on order..."

"... instead of the usual mixture of puke, piss, peas, pork, perspiration, mould, mice, dung, dry-rot, dust, jam, feet, beer and beetles..."

"Well - ?"

"Well, the problem is, now they all smell of soap, on "Backgammon" nights a chap can't tell which Middie he's agammoning!"

**Author's Note:**

> It should be noted that membership of the Backgammon Society is strictly voluntary, and reserved for the most enthusiastic and senior members of the midshipsmen's berth.


End file.
